Woke up with a cold sore.
I’ve been getting cold sores since I was 4 years old. I went to the dentist to get a retainer for the first time and within hours my entire mouth-inside and outside , broke out into tons of cold sores. My parents took me to the dr and they confirmed.
I don’t know for sure why this happened…was it in my genetics, the virus just lurking waiting for a “traumatic “ event to “break out”….was it the dentists fault? .
What in the fuck happened ?! This is what I used to think. This is what I still think about so many things !
The truth is I don’t know.
I’ve read Louise hays words and affirmations and those feel right.
I’ve gone to the healers and asked the questions and received. I’m a healer and have done a shit ton of inner work that has healed my inner and outer world.
But I still don’t know.
As a kid I used to think that cold sores made me ugly. They made me different. I was stared at. I literally felt a hate towards myself. I can honestly say I don’t hate anyone-I definitly have removed people from my life and felt rage but not a hatred…but yet I’ve felt this towards my own self ? This makes me cry.
As I got older I realized how “small” of a problem having cold sores is. There’s people that are living with disease and conditions that are life altering, deabilitating and ending.
My “problem” is small but to me felt so big
Now, I get a cold sore. I recognize what is going on in my world. I keep eating healthy. I keeping smoking and consume cannabis. In this pic- that’s pure CBD extract on my cold sore (the healing time with extract is nothing short of a miracle! It used to take 2 weeks for a cold sore to go away following the “drs orders”). I keep taking my supplements and take more. I go outside. I talk to people and look them in the eye. I love. I laugh. I am still me. I don’t feel hatred towards myself in that way anymore.
For anyone that is feel hatred towards themselves or something they feel they have no control over- I want to tell you I love you. THe universe and source loves you. You are not forgotten. You are not separate. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! You have the power to love. Love wins.